If You Want Something Done Right…

I’ve lived most of my life by that stupid old saying,”if you want something done right, you’ve got to do it yourself.” Group projects in school, planning a wedding, taking care of finances, doing laundry…I’ve always taken control and gotten things done on my own. Obsessive compulsiveness aside, I’ve always felt a fear in putting my fate, so to speak, in someone else’s hands.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I’ll be a 28 year old woman, who is newly divorced and just trying to get back on her feet. I’ve spent almost the last decade in a cock-eyed “partnership” where I took care of everything. Sure, I’ve never brought home the bulk of the bacon. But I sure as hell put it in a pan and cooked it. Let me tell you, I’m tired. I’m tired of feeling like I’m rowing away in a boat while everyone else is sitting on their oars, soaking in the sunset.

The last time I can remember having a real birthday party that I didn’t have to put together was 13 years ago. When I was married, I hoped-year after year-that the person I was with would get this act together and pull through for me. I don’t particularly enjoy birthday presents. There are few things that can be bought that can put a smile on my face like reading some sweet words in a letter or card, knowing someone took a few minutes out of their day to reflect on how much I mean to them.  Some of those years I was married, I was lucky to get a card that was on time and had anything more than “Love, so-and-so” written inside of it. I reverted my thinking back to that saying again. Apparently, if I want to do something special for my birthday, I have to plan it myself. And that’s what I’ve done. Year after year.

I’ve come to believe that wanting someone to fuss over me, to spoil me on the anniversary of my birth, is not only an impossiblity, but also selfish. How stupid of me to think that I could possibly be important enough to someone for them to take five minutes to look up a bakery, order a cake, call my favorite restaurant and make a reservation. Oh, and you think your friends and family should be invited to celebrate? Hogwash. That’s some serious pie-in-the-sky day-dreaming you’re doing there, sister. Snap out of it.

Today, I’m snapping out of it. Today, I say, no, I won’t do it myself. And if I do have to plan my own birthday celebration, don’t expect to be a part of it. It’s going to be a completely self-serving, selfish, spoil-myself-a-thon. While I’m at it, if someone wants to fold my laundry, I’m going to let them do it. I don’t care if the towels are folded wrong. If someone offers to take a piece of a project off my hands, I’m going to fight my OCD and say, “yes, that would be delightful.”

Whoever said, “If you want something done right, you’ve got to do it yourself” was a lunatic with a sick hankering for self-punishment.




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