Today I want to talk about love and relationships. Most of us have been there, right? Well, I recently read the February issue of Psychology Today, and wouldn’t you know it, the cover article is about love. The title of the article is Are You with the Right Mate? by Rebecca Webber.
Well, are you?
Being a fairly young person, and divorced, I found this article particularly interesting. In the article, Webber states that, “Our marriages are not always a source of satisfaction. Sometimes they bring pain and sorrow. That’s necessary for growth.” Now, for anyone that has been married or even in a committed/long-term relationship, the first part of that statement is old news. The interesting idea is the last part: pain and sorrow is necessary for growth.
We all experience pain and sorrow, however, we all experience it differently and we all deal with it differently. Some people ignore it, some people withdraw from the world, some folks get pissed off and lash out, and others grieve and move on. One could assume that the ways that we confront (or don’t) adversity would account for the success (or failure) of not just marriages, but relationships in general. Based on this, one could also assume that if we focus on improving the way we meet challenges, we will in turn improve our relations with others.
While it is true that there sometimes people who just flat-out do not belong together, how many marriages and friendships are thrown away just because one or both people gave up, blew up or was just indifferent? I, for one, can vouch for how sad it is to lose a friend or significant other because one or both of us just couldn’t get our acts together. It’s a shame when we get so caught up with petty differences that a good friendship goes sour.
Let’s not let that happen. Let’s nurture and fight for those relationships that are worthy of treasuring. Opposite that, let’s finally sever those relationships that are incompatible and detract from your contentment. Take a look at those you surround yourself with. Do they contribute happiness, joy and abundance to your life? Take a look at yourself, do you offer happiness, joy and abundance to those you call friends? If you answered no to either of those questions, you might want to consider why. Is this relationship worth fighting for? If it is, fight. If it’s not, then maybe it’s time to say adios, amigo. It might not be an easy thing to do, but in the long run, it could save both parties a lot of heartache and energy.
It’s not often easy to be honest with those around you about your needs and wants. It’s certainly not easy to tell someone you care about, but just can’t seem to keep things together with, that you feel you would be better off just moving on. You’ll soon see what a blessing it is to be free from the burden of tending to the needs of others before your own. Someone once told me, that if I don’t take care of myself, no one else will. That, my friends, is what they call a true story.
On the other hand, once you’ve identified relationships that need work, but are worthy of the effort, you can get started growing that relationship into something truly beautiful.
If you would like to read the full article, and I suggest that you do, you can read it here http://psychologytoday.com. while this post has just a little bit to do with the actual article, it did serve as a jumping point. Webber did a really excellent job examining the complexities of marriage and the idea of finding the right mate. Her ideas are certainly helpful for those who have been, are or thinking about getting married. Marriage isn’t always peaches and cream, but if you throw in the towel, you could be missing out on something really amazing.
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